The best jokes from the 2024 Edinburgh Fringe Festival


The end-of-the-Festival fireworks over Edinburgh. Photo: Getty
The Edinburgh Fringe Festival is the worldâs largest performance arts festival, with nearly 60,000 performers across 25 days and over 300 venues.
It is an annual pilgrimage for the worldâs best comedians, including many Australians.
Each year, the public votes on the funniest one-liners and jokes, chosen by an expert panel of critics, and the results are in.
1. Mark Simmons
âI was going to sail around the globe in the worldâs smallest ship, but I bottled it.â
2. Alec Snook
âIâve been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just donât feel like Iâm progressing. Itâs just one step forward, two steps back.â
3. Alex Kitson
âAte horse at a restaurant once: Wasnât great. Starter was all right, but the mane was dreadful.â
4. Arthur Smith
âI sailed through my driving test. Thatâs why I failed it.â
5. Mark Simmons
âI love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton ⊠well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it.â
6. Olaf Falafel
âMy dad used to say to me âpints, gallons, litresâ, which, I think, speaks volumes.â
7. Chelsea Birkby
âBritish etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery, but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons?â
8. Masai Graham
âI wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg, so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think Iâve cracked it.â
9. Zoë Coombs Marr
âMy partner told me that sheâd never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had.â
10. Olaf Falafel
âThe conspiracy theory about the Moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati.â
11. Sarah Keyworth
âIâm an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person: My pronouns are there there.â
12. Roger Swift
âIâve got a girlfriend who never stops whining. I wish Iâd never bought her that vineyard.â
13. Lou Wall
âGay people are very bad at maths. We donât naturally multiply.â
14. Sophie Duker
âKeir Starmer looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher.â
15. Olga Koch
âGrowing up rich is a hereditary condition: It affects 1 per cent of people.â
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