Warning: some readers may find this article distressing

On July 15, 1974, 29-year-old Florida news anchor Christine Chubbuck shot herself, live on air.

“In keeping with Channel 40’s policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts, and in living colour, you are going to see another first: attempted suicide,” announced Chubbuck before ending her life.

Chubbuck’s tragic death was naturally a huge news story, with the added gruesome element that the script she was holding was the pre-written story of her own suicide.

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Now, 40 years later, Chubbuck’s tragic tale is being explored in two films that debuted at the Sundance Film Festival last month: Christine, which delves into the up-and-coming reporter’s final days, and Kate Plays Christine, a pseudo-documentary on Chubbuck’s life.

It’s not the first time the Chubbuck story has hit the big screen, with Faye Dunaway starring in 1976 film The Network, which used her suicide as a satirical plot point.

But Hollywood aside, Chubbuck’s legacy has strangely become just as much about the search for the horrifying footage from that morning as it has her tragic death.

Why did she do it?

According to an in-depth Washington Post article shortly after her death, a number of Chubbuck’s family and colleagues believed she killed herself on air in the hope the footage would be shown on the big networks, and hopefully even internationally.

Chubbuck’s job was the only thing she liked about her life; her long-term depression was widely reported after her death, with her mother telling reporters she had “no close friends or romantic attachments”.

“She was terribly terribly, terribly depressed,” Mrs Chubbuck said at the time.

“She was a spinster at 29 and it bothered her.”

From early childhood, Chubbuck struggled to fit in. In high school, she was a founding member of the self-deprecating ‘Dateless Wonders Knitting Club’. According to her mother, Chubbuck’s obsession with being ‘dateless’ was what contributed to the depression that plagued her after school, culminating in her first suicide attempt in 1970.

Chubbuck’s depression was well-known and discussed within her family. She spoke of it openly, but did not warn them of her plans on the day of the broadcast.

Working for the low-rating Florida news channel WXLT-TV, Chubbuck was paid next-to-nothing and was known as a hard worker, if not also hard to work with.

She hated the network’s focus on ‘blood and guts’, instead constantly pushing for more ‘human’ stories on her morning show.

Ratings for WXLT-TV were low, and despite wanting to be, Chubbuck was not a TV star by any means. It is estimated only a few hundred people watched the live footage of her horrific death.

For close family and friends, Chubbuck’s suicide was no surprise, but her method certainly was. Both family and colleagues have suggested she acted so publicly as a statement against the tacky crime stories she was forced to report each day, as well as in the hope the footage would be widely seen.

Station boss Robert Nelson has even suggested Chubbuck’s suicide was a final gift to put the fledgling station on the map.

But the footage from that day was never aired again, and the location of the only tape is unknown.

The most elusive videos on the internet

Today, the grisly incident would have been recorded and distributed endlessly, but in the pre-digital era, the shocking footage was easier to hide from the public.

After fading into the media abyss, Chubbuck’s story was resurrected in the 1990s as a new generation of internet sleuths made it their mission to get their hands on elusive footage.

Shock site LiveLeak dedicates itself to streaming uncensored footage you won’t see in the mainstream media. Inevitably, the site is often criticised for showing murder footage without the permission of victim’s families, such as after the 9/11 attacks and IS beheadings.

For LiveLeak users, Chubbuck’s death has become the holy grail of gruesome internet footage, while online forum Find A Death has a Chubbuck thread comprising 2,600 posts since 2006.

On one 4Chan thread, a user lists their ‘bucket list’ of elusive videos with Chubbuck included, while a YouTube video titled ‘5 Most Secret Videos in the World’ features Chubbuck, the Sandy Hook Shooting and ‘Tilikum’s Revenge’ – the lost footage of killer whale Tilikum killing his helper.

Rumoured footage of German man Armin Meiwes eating a willing human also makes the list, as does the suicide of singer Bjork’s stalker and the footage of crocodile wrangler Steve Irwin’s death.

What makes a ‘holy grail’ video?

Chubbuck’s death has risen to the top of LiveLeakers’ lists for a number of reasons.

For many ‘holy grail’ videos, both the veracity of the tape’s existence and whether the event occurred at all can be in question, but this isn’t the case for Chubbuck.

The sole tape of the event was seized by authorities before being handed over to Chubbuck’s mother, brother Greg told People magazine recently.

“I don’t know to this day where it is,” Greg says of the video now.

“But I know no one knows where it is and no one ever will if I have anything to say about it.”

For now at least, its analog mystery remains intact.

If you are experiencing difficulties or are troubled by anything you’ve read in this story, please call Lifeline Australia on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636